I have weird habits, hobbies, and thoughts. Sometimes in conversation those things surface and I say weird things.
I can be self deprecating and completely geeky. I can be rude and a bit oblivious. I can be ditzy and downright strange. It’s okay to be some of those things some of the time.
As a person with ongoing anxiety, both social and general, I sometimes feel nervous about how to act and therefore don’t act right. Or don’t know what to say and consequently say weird things.
I’m not always sure if people are laughing with me or at me so I lean towards self deprecation. That way, if they are laughing at me, I’m laughing too. Unfortunately, too much self-deprecation makes it seem like I either don’t care enough to be genuine or genuinely feel disappointed in myself.
When I try to move from self-deprecating to genuine I can find myself falling into zealously geeky. There is nothing wrong with being geeky or geeked about things that I find wonderful. The problem arises when I’m wholly geeked about something and sharing it with the wrong people. People who find it silly and bizarre.
It’s hard to explain what it feels like to start at social anxiety, where there’s a genuine feeling of fear and anxiousness about interacting with people, and end at that thing I love being chuckled at. Back to self deprecation…
So, what’s my solution?